I am so good with my feelings that recently I accepted a challenge to never be moody without a solid reason. In this post I will share why I want to be positive all the time and the necessary actions I will take to accomplish it.
For the past year, I have had only 2-3 moody days in a month. Since it is not much at all, I have not been worried about it the slightest. I have thought that I deserve to let go on these days because overall I am such a happy person. My partner Richard, on the other hand, wants me to be even better. He has insisted never to be moody without a valid reason. After all- I am a mother now.
At first, I was on the fence about it, fighting my ground to have these few days of being more down and dwelling over my shortcomings. I thought that I try so hard and if he does not accept me, then he can just fuck off. I was hurt. I felt like I was still not enough. He can not see how much I am trying and so on.
In my head I started to make a plan for us to separate and to start anew. But then I realized I have been here before. Here, where my first reaction is that I want to throw everything away! Fuck him! He can go and try to find someone who would be as good as I am to him. Then I realized that I have done it before. I once threw a great man away. Oh boy, I regretted it for long time. I am so lucky to have a second chance. To find someone so amazing for myself and for our little boy! I will not sabotage this time.
I have also experienced what it is like to surrender to a real shitty and uncomfortable situation with a big smile. I ended up gaining massive leaps from it! Skills that have been real game-changers!
So I chose my way with this. Stop arguing with him, lets try and surrender. Maybe he is right and I am wrong. Maybe it is not difficult. After all, he is doing it! He has been holding his chin up for the whole time I know him. Then my mind goes to how my life has been more traumatic than his. How I have way more triggers. I am a woman, more hormonal and so on. Lots of similar excuses. That is the victim mindset talking! Enough of that. Instead I started to focus on the positives of the situation. Like- some women have way more stressful life that I have. I am in a good place to learn and evolve in safety at the moment. I don’t have massive things to juggle. If I manage this then I will be very happy.
After hyping myself up I really started to feel it. So, what can we do here? How can I solve this? The more I investigated this problem the more realized that my beliefs around this topic might be a real issue. But it is possible to change them and to have full autonomy over myself.
So I started with the mind. Like reprogramming. Watching what I think. Questioning everything. It is like a fun game. Example- thought: Being positive takes energy. Does it? I don’t like that, lets replace it with new thought: Being positive gives energy! Old thought: Low days are needed to rest. New though: I don’t need down days. This goes on and on. I have actually been intuitively correcting my thoughts for the last 8 years. I started this journey with writing into my diary.
Then there was this physical question? When I feel emotions bulking up in my body what do I do? So far I have been using calming tactics, but it is not the most effective. I think it has been taking energy to suppress. Hold in. Calm down. Bottle it. After sharing this topic to some friends. I got guided towards accepting and feeling my emotions fully. I also did some research and realized that I can do better in this department. I can have a new method for releasing my emotions, consistently
So I figured out that I can use various methods like dancing, sex, shaking or tensing my body. The point is to feel them, not to try and suppress or ignore them. It might also be a good idea to have some structure in this department. Like a container for doing that. So then I can hold onto my emotions I can suppress them for a little while, because I know that I will have a special time later in the day to release them? I mean it is all trial and error. I think it just makes sense that perhaps it is an energy that I could harvest. I could have a ceremony of releasing my emotions every evening. This container for it could look like- at 19, just after dinner I could do a bit of movement. It is a good idea to move the body after eating anyhow so perhaps I could put this container there. It will be something to look forward to. Something fun. Every tension during the day can be something fun to release later on then. I really do love to move when I am tense, tension brings out the most interesting and powerful moves.
So after making a new action plan. I am honestly so thankful that I have someone who has high standards for me. Finally, it had made me think. How? How? How? And then realize- alright, sure, logic! It is my mind that needs to change. Okay! I can do it. And now I see how solving this helps to solve other puzzling things in my life as well.
Thank you for reading. Stay well!
